We saw War of the Worlds yesterday. Listen, I know Tom Cruise is a loony. I know Scientology is a crock of shit. I know Spielburg lost it a long time ago. Still, I was hoping for a decent enough action/sci-fi flick. Something like Minority Report - stupid fun, good SFX, worth my time (obviously not something I highly value, no?).

War of the Worlds is none of those things. It’s dumb-da-dumb-dumb…DUMB! It’s a sucktacular extravaganza that manages to make Tom Cruise a more unsympathetic character than his sister-cum-agent. The son - what a jackass. The daughter - frigging annoying. The plot, lamer than lame. Ok, ahead be spoilers…

1. Why would a super advanced race plant these war machine tripods underground millions of years ago? That makes no sense. If they are “harvesting” humans, just come on down and do so. What, do they plant these things on every planet hoping that evolution will kick in. Stupid.

2. They are space-faring, but don’t understand the concept of immunization? Jesus, in the Army I had to get like two dozen shots every time we went to another country. Stupid.

3. The son runs off to watch the troops fight tripods, with crap blowing up all over the place. Later on, the fields and cities are literally covered in blood. This is a dude who has shown no survival instinct the entire film. He’s dead, big time. Yet, when Tommy Boy rolls on into Boston, guess whose there waiting for him? Stupid.

Anyway, I feel dumber for having watched this movie which loses out because it didn’t give me at least what I expected: I excepted something at least as good as Minority Report, instead I got something that only MST3K could make worth seeing.

Compare this to the other DVD we watched, Rob Zombie’s second feature attempt: The Devil’s Rejects. I had seen Mr. Zombie’s first effort: House of 1000 Corpses, which was not exactly fantastic — it didn’t suck, but it wasn’t great, either.

So, I went into The Devil’s Rejects expecting much the same film as 1000 Corpses. But it wasn’t. Instead, it was a surprisingly good take on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre-type horror flicks. Much better than I expected. I liked the characterization, and even though they were disturbingly evil, I couldn’t help but to like the characters a little, as well. The contrast between such a tight-knit loving family, and the cold brutality they inflicted on those who were outside of thier circle was interesting.

Anyway, the point is The Devil’s Rejects is 10 times over a better film than War of the Worlds, which shows that one man with a vision kicks the crap out of a now souless popular hack and mildly retarded pretty boy.